Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
