around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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