we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
