adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
