my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
