Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
