there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
