my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
