Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
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