I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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