you're like a bully in the Christmas story
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
