you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
