I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
