you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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