Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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