Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
