By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
