ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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