Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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