tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
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