....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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