he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
