this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
