if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
