Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Blood and glitter go together right?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
