I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
