Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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