I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
