I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
