Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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