You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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