so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
