i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
