I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
