so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
