Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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