The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
