Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
