I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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