How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
