Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
