she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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