just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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