i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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