i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
