You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
false alarm. still invincible.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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