Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
