Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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