Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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