Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize
