I am spending my child support on dildos
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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