i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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