I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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